Rituals are important to couples whose DD is not 24-7. The rituals signal that “disciplinary rules” as my wife calls them are in effect and for us that means obedience and acceptance of her authority. Our rituals have evolved from when we started. Probably the simplest is she will simply firmly grab my bottom over my trousers and force eye contact signaling she is close to punishing. Sometimes it will just be a sharp crack over my trousers. It is a final warning meant to remind me she controls my ass. Grabbing an ear is similar but that usually means a spanking is certain. Taking my pants and underpants down slowly and deliberatively is one of our strongest rituals. It makes me very obedient very fast and she usually starts discipline that way, dropping pants to my ankles in whatever room in the house I get in trouble and then ear marching me to the “spanking room”. I think of that as the “walk of shame” because it involves trying to walk up a flight of stairs while my pants are around my ankles (try it sometime if you don’t think you will look silly doing it) Sometimes she will send me for her brush or strap after my pants are down and then take me upstairs making the walk of shame even worse. If I resist her taking my pants down she will slap me in the face not really hard but firm enough I know she is serious. This is something that has huge emotional impact for me. It just stops defiance cold and makes me very cooperative with her. Corner time is also an important ritual for us but she normally uses it only before spanking unless I am getting two separate spankings and then corner time after the first separates the first from the second. After spanking me she feels punishment is over. But pre spanking corner time is emphasized. I must stand on my toes, nose to wall, sticking my bottom out while she lectures me for my behavior frequently punctuating her scolding with hand spanks. It’s the only time she uses her bare hand to spank but I do feel it and it can go on for a long time depending on how angry she is. Eventually she will drag me over to the bed and force me to my knees in front of her sitting on the bed with the brush or strap in her lap. This is when I am expected to ask to be spanked and explain exactly what I did wrong. She wants me to basically repeat her lecture in my own words making sure I understand why she is spanking me. She puts emphasis on getting this right and in the early days she put me back in the corner several times before I got it right in what she considered a contrite form. She spanks until the point I stop struggling. Basically my bottom becomes numb and she expects me to signal that by raising my bum to meet the brush. She considers this demonstrating contrition. After the spanking is over she will produce a pair of her panties if she is going to make me wear them. She does this about a third of the time. The end of discipline is signaled when she tells me I have permission to pull up my pants. I must ask her permission and she must give me explicit permission to do this A couple of times early in our relationship I forgot this and received a second spanking but now it’s become a part of the ritual. Not every spanking is carried out so elaborately. “One the spot “spankings can occur anywhere in the house. For these she usually sends me for her brush or strap. They are usually done hard and fast beginning to end. If I am spanked in front of a witness the ritual is different. I am stripped and in the corner when the witness arrives. The lecture is short and the spanking is usually a series of spankings followed by corner time while my wife and her friend sip wine and try to embarrass me Overall I think rituals are as important as the spanking itself. My spanking are no picnic. My wife is very fit and prides herself on delivering a sound spanking but the ritual somehow makes it all an unforgettable experience and makes spanking work on so many levels.
I am a wife who has been reguarly caning her husband for 30 years, for both maintainance and punsishment. He is more of the alpha male take charge type which is good in many situations but can create problems where both parties have strong personalities. He is most usually caned for being grouchy, which I think is often brought about by stress and maybe depression. Following a sound caning from the woman who knows him best and knows what is best for both him and our marriage, he is much calmer, more contrite and loving with a more cheerful disposition in general and tensions are reduced greatly on both sides.
I always cane hard, as this will help create the necessary anticipation and fear when he knows he is due for my cane, as a lot of it is in the mind as well as the bottom. Anticipation and ritual are important. I tell him things like how sore his bottom is going to be and how much I am looking forward to seeing it all red and nicely striped. He gets turned on when I tell him to go and wait for me in the spanking room (actually a spare bedroom). Another trick I use, is to practice caning a cushion in the next room while he is waiting for me, being out of sight really builds up the apprehension when he hears the swish of the cane as it lands on the cushion as he can imaging how it is soon going to feel on his own bare bottom, probably a bit like naughty boys would feel as they waited outside their headmaster's study waiting their turn to be caned. When I come into him I can tell how excited and apprehensive he is. I will admonish him for his moods and remind him that the glass is half full and he has a lot to be thankful for and that every time he sits down he is goiung to be reminded. I will tell him things like, "you've been a naughty boy and what happens to naughty boys? I f he says he does not know I will tell him that they have their bare bottoms caned, now bend over the spanking chair. I usually give him a couple of strokes across his underpants and then tell him that the rest is going to be on his bare bottom, and ask him to lower his underpants for me. By now he knows the rules that he has to present his bottom properly and he is not allowed to clench his cheeks, nor get up without permission. If he clenches those cheeks I will give him a sharp crack on the top of his thighs as clenched cheeks reduce the size of the target area and his bottom isn't that big to begin with that I can place all the strokes that he needs. Then comes the part he really does not like but knows it is necessary. His erection disappears as his mind concentrates on the next stroke and wonders why is is submitting in the first place. When I am satisfied with my work we will hug each other which often will lead to great sex. All this was once considered kinky but it seems that since the advent of the internet that is no longer the case. Regardless of all that it has helped keep us close to each other and created feelings of mutual bonding which are hard to put into words.