Beginnings & New Directions

My wife and I have been married 37 years and during that time we have changed from me spanking just her playfully, to her spanking me more often nowadays. But I still remember as if it was yesterday when our playfull spankings turned into the bottom-burner of all time as far as I was concerned. I was over her lap getting my bottom nicely slapped to a pink hue, when I asked her if she wouldn't mind being a bit firmer with me and use her wooden hairbrush until I asked her to stop as I fancied a good sound spanking for a change. She said ok but she wasn't happy with it as she didn't want to hurt me. I said for her to let me up and I would make us some refreshment whilst she went online to a site called Disciplinary Wives Club that I had found a few weeks earlier and read some of the acounts there. To cut a long story short, she spent 2 hours on it and my backside was well back in it's white state.
Well I still don't like the idea but if that's what you want to try out then let's do it. So she's now sitting on the chair with the hairbrush in front of her on the table. She calls me over and pats her lap, over I go and she starts in by handspanking me all the time chiding me for talking her into doing this and also not telling her sooner in our married life so she would have had time to adjust. All the time she kept up the spanking and the slaps were getting a bit harder and faster, until about a 100 spanks she stops. From now on when I have you in position and firmly held, your spanking will be done with the hairbrush for a very very long while and as you requested it will also be hard, in fact I am not stopping until your bottom is bruised and you have been reduced to a snottynosed sniviling bad little boy that you THINK you want. With that she leg and arm-locked me in postion and set about with gusto tanning my bottom with that brush and telling me all the reasons she could think of in agreement with me and a few of her own why I needed this spanking. Well it went on and on and on, and i started crying begging howling still she spanked faster and harder, and after about 700-800 with that brush I was well reduced to the stage she wanted me. She's never gone that far since, although I have had some that have left me bawling, but she did say some weeks later that for some reason she felt empowered by something she could,n understand to give me just what I asked for.

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or us, the way we use, and got into DD was a way to improve behaviors that my wife was tired of. It was causing friction in our relationship, which made life unpleasant for both of us. And I think therein lies the difference. I think that D/s or femdom tends to have a more sexual connotation to it, or a sadist or masochistic thrill for the people involved. That's not to say they're all like that, but that's what I see as the difference between that world and what we do. There's no endgame really in femdom, but with DD, there is obviously a femdom or D/s angle to it, but the goal tends to be personal improvement. And like I said there's obviously a slight bleeding over from one to the other where those sorts of things are incorporated into DD, but the overall goals remain different.

My wife was fed up with my attitude, my procrastinating on projects both at work and at home that cut into personal time, and just some immature behaviors. Nothing seemed to be working, and I felt horrible that I was making her mad and disappointed. Just talking about things wasn't having any effect and before we knew it I was slipping again. Things took a turn when I stumbled on and suggested starting a DD regimen, which she liked and embraced. We've incorporated different kinds of punishments now as many seem to do in addition to spanking. There's a level of humiliation to it of course (I would argue there always is if you're going across your wife's lap, which I'm sure you'd agree with), but the femdom elements there aren't because I get off on it. Her overall goal is improvement of things that I do. I'm not begging for a spanking every night. When I started slipping on a few things we added a denial of pleasure for me, which I hate, but if you've ever been teased for an hour only to not be allowed to climax, you adjust your behavior pretty quickly, lol. And its worked for us. There's less fighting, she's happier with my behavior, and I'm happier that things that I do don't annoy the hell out of her anymore. This obviously cannot work for everyone, but it's been effective for us and has been mutually beneficial, as I hope it has been for your relationship and others.

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Family tradition is the best way to say how it started. The gal I married was raised by her Mom, her dad long gone and her mom ran a tight ship. I knew she spanked, was told that dating her daughter had rules and best obey them or two choices, stop seeing her or submit to house rules. Well it was not the Mom but the daughter, and on particular date I got to carried away and she decided to give me a spanking, thankful she was not good at it and I just faked it. A week or so later I broke one of her Mom's rules and sure enough she did not bulge in her rules. I soon was standing before her, her daughter present and watching. The scolding was bad enough, but when she pulled my pants down I looked straight ahead. I went over her lap quickly and then to my shock she pulled my underpants down and off. This is how a spanking is given young man and sure enough I received a spanking like no others. She then told me her daughter had informed her of the spanking she gave, well I was soon pleading and promising to be good. She pulled me to my feet and I was more concern about rubbing the pain from my bottom than being exposed. We will be back shortly she said to her daughter and with a firm grip on my arm I was taken to the bedroom. Well the spanking was far from over, she had me over her lap, and the hairbrush was applied and boy did that hurt and I was kicking and squirming but not able to advoid the sting of the hairbrush. Once she finished I was taken back to the frontroom and told to face the wall. Since that spanking my girlfriend, now my wife has continued the family tradition. Her mom has been present a few times and commends her daughter how well she gives a spanking. Only different is that I'm told to get to the bedroom, have hands on head and naked and wait. I can be erect, she could care less, it is soon gone. So family tradition is how I enter this world.

Taking Control and Post-Orgasm Spankings

am going to comment on two themes running through your last two questions and the comments made to them. One is about a wife “seizing control and related is the notion of whether you are ready to submit completely to her authority. My experience ( with two different women) is that you don’t know if you are ready until she draws that line in the sand and demands you accept discipline. She has to seize control and then you find out. What took time in both my relationships was that my disciplinarians sensed I was ambivalent and so they hesitated to take that final step. I think it is hard in our culture for many women to demand obedience and you really have to show you are ready to submit to their authority. With my girlfriend it never really happened but my wife pretty early in our relationship insisted I accept a spanking for something I felt was unfair (at the time). That spanking happened and I realized that emotionally I could not stop her even though physically I could have. That was a defining moment for us when I realized she would spank when she decided and I couldn’t stop it. I think something like that has to happen in every DD relationship if it is to become real. As much as we think we want discipline our women have to seize and use their authority before it all clicks. Because we can’t discipline ourselves is why we ask our wives or girlfriends to do it for us. The other issue is being made to orgasm before punishment. Any male who has been punished this way would probably do almost anything to avoid another. It probably is the purest kind of adult punishment and I doubt there is a male who is not reduced to tears spanked that way. I do think willingness to accept this is an acid test for being ready to submit completely. Both women I have been involved with demanded authority to use this to enhance punishment rather than to humiliate. My girlfriend told me she felt it a limit on her authority until I agreed to do it but after I did a couple of times she never used it again. My wife also saw it as a control issue but she does actually use it to punish me for one particular misbehavior. It just my opinion but if you are looking for a way to show your wife she is in charge offer to take your next spanking after orgasm. Believe me she will understand what you are offering and after it’s over you will have no doubt who is in charge.

Alan

Tears

“Broken” is a word many find uncomfortable but it just means a deep surrender to the authority of your wife and subsequent obedience after you have been “broken”. I don’t think crying is necessarily a part of it although crying is a sure sign it has occurred. To me being broken means you accept totally your wife’s authority, give up any rebellion and accept punishment from her without argument or resistance. It happened to me the first time with a girlfriend before I met my wife. With her at that time I sometimes stopped a spanking when she took it far beyond anything I wanted or thought I could take. This greatly annoyed her and eventually would have destroyed our relationship. But this time something happened when I reached that point because one second I knew I had to stop it and the next I was telling myself I deserved what I was getting ( I really did) and I had an obligation to take it until she was done. I just let go to the pain and the embarrassment and stopped struggling against the spanking. Before she was done my bum was completely numb and I was limp and crying over her lap. Usually when she spanked me she told me I was getting a lesson in obedience or she was going to teach me obedience. After that spanking I told her I had learned that lesson but another way I could have put it was that I had been broken or disobedience had been broken, all the same thing I think. As far as I remember I never resisted her spanking me after that and I have never disobeyed my wife when she told me I was getting spanked. So for me at least after I was broken to a woman’s authority it was permanent.
Alan

Stumbling Into a Spanking

Reading about all these semipublic spankings makes me wonder if anyone who wasn’t supposed to ever stumble into one of them. That happened to me once years ago although the spanking was actually administered in my buddy’s kitchen by his wife so technically I suppose it wasn’t semipublic. My buddy (who goes unnamed) and I had a regular Saturday morning golfing date when I would pick him up at his house early morning and we would grab breakfast before hitting the links. This time he wasn’t waiting outside for me so I opened the kitchen door off the deck to call him. Instead what I saw froze me in my tracks. My buddy, pants and underpants around his ankles was over his wife’s lap while she was vigorously spanking him with a strap of some kind. He was in no position to see me but she did and smiled ever so slightly as I backed out the door. I drove around the block probably a dozen times hoping he would be out waiting for me so I wouldn’t have to go back in. But he wasn’t so I went to the front door and knocked to be met by his still smiling wife who said he “was running a little behind” and would be out soon. In another ten minutes or so he did come out looking I suspect like I do just after my wife warms my ass but he didn’t say anything about it or even acknowledge he was late. As far as I know he has no idea I saw it (unless his wife told him) and he probably has no idea my wife spanks me too. It’s weird when I think about it. We are still good friends and both have wives that spank but we have never shared any of it with each other. Two women in the same situation would probably talk it to death. Go figure

Rituals of Spanking

Rituals are important to couples whose DD is not 24-7. The rituals signal that “disciplinary rules” as my wife calls them are in effect and for us that means obedience and acceptance of her authority. Our rituals have evolved from when we started. Probably the simplest is she will simply firmly grab my bottom over my trousers and force eye contact signaling she is close to punishing. Sometimes it will just be a sharp crack over my trousers. It is a final warning meant to remind me she controls my ass. Grabbing an ear is similar but that usually means a spanking is certain. Taking my pants and underpants down slowly and deliberatively is one of our strongest rituals. It makes me very obedient very fast and she usually starts discipline that way, dropping pants to my ankles in whatever room in the house I get in trouble and then ear marching me to the “spanking room”. I think of that as the “walk of shame” because it involves trying to walk up a flight of stairs while my pants are around my ankles (try it sometime if you don’t think you will look silly doing it) Sometimes she will send me for her brush or strap after my pants are down and then take me upstairs making the walk of shame even worse. If I resist her taking my pants down she will slap me in the face not really hard but firm enough I know she is serious. This is something that has huge emotional impact for me. It just stops defiance cold and makes me very cooperative with her. Corner time is also an important ritual for us but she normally uses it only before spanking unless I am getting two separate spankings and then corner time after the first separates the first from the second. After spanking me she feels punishment is over. But pre spanking corner time is emphasized. I must stand on my toes, nose to wall, sticking my bottom out while she lectures me for my behavior frequently punctuating her scolding with hand spanks. It’s the only time she uses her bare hand to spank but I do feel it and it can go on for a long time depending on how angry she is. Eventually she will drag me over to the bed and force me to my knees in front of her sitting on the bed with the brush or strap in her lap. This is when I am expected to ask to be spanked and explain exactly what I did wrong. She wants me to basically repeat her lecture in my own words making sure I understand why she is spanking me. She puts emphasis on getting this right and in the early days she put me back in the corner several times before I got it right in what she considered a contrite form. She spanks until the point I stop struggling. Basically my bottom becomes numb and she expects me to signal that by raising my bum to meet the brush. She considers this demonstrating contrition. After the spanking is over she will produce a pair of her panties if she is going to make me wear them. She does this about a third of the time. The end of discipline is signaled when she tells me I have permission to pull up my pants. I must ask her permission and she must give me explicit permission to do this A couple of times early in our relationship I forgot this and received a second spanking but now it’s become a part of the ritual. Not every spanking is carried out so elaborately. “One the spot “spankings can occur anywhere in the house. For these she usually sends me for her brush or strap. They are usually done hard and fast beginning to end. If I am spanked in front of a witness the ritual is different. I am stripped and in the corner when the witness arrives. The lecture is short and the spanking is usually a series of spankings followed by corner time while my wife and her friend sip wine and try to embarrass me Overall I think rituals are as important as the spanking itself. My spanking are no picnic. My wife is very fit and prides herself on delivering a sound spanking but the ritual somehow makes it all an unforgettable experience and makes spanking work on so many levels.

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I am a wife who has been reguarly caning her husband for 30 years, for both maintainance and punsishment. He is more of the alpha male take charge type which is good in many situations but can create problems where both parties have strong personalities. He is most usually caned for being grouchy, which I think is often brought about by stress and maybe depression. Following a sound caning from the woman who knows him best and knows what is best for both him and our marriage, he is much calmer, more contrite and loving with a more cheerful disposition in general and tensions are reduced greatly on both sides.
I always cane hard, as this will help create the necessary anticipation and fear when he knows he is due for my cane, as a lot of it is in the mind as well as the bottom. Anticipation and ritual are important. I tell him things like how sore his bottom is going to be and how much I am looking forward to seeing it all red and nicely striped. He gets turned on when I tell him to go and wait for me in the spanking room (actually a spare bedroom). Another trick I use, is to practice caning a cushion in the next room while he is waiting for me, being out of sight really builds up the apprehension when he hears the swish of the cane as it lands on the cushion as he can imaging how it is soon going to feel on his own bare bottom, probably a bit like naughty boys would feel as they waited outside their headmaster's study waiting their turn to be caned. When I come into him I can tell how excited and apprehensive he is. I will admonish him for his moods and remind him that the glass is half full and he has a lot to be thankful for and that every time he sits down he is goiung to be reminded. I will tell him things like, "you've been a naughty boy and what happens to naughty boys? I f he says he does not know I will tell him that they have their bare bottoms caned, now bend over the spanking chair. I usually give him a couple of strokes across his underpants and then tell him that the rest is going to be on his bare bottom, and ask him to lower his underpants for me. By now he knows the rules that he has to present his bottom properly and he is not allowed to clench his cheeks, nor get up without permission. If he clenches those cheeks I will give him a sharp crack on the top of his thighs as clenched cheeks reduce the size of the target area and his bottom isn't that big to begin with that I can place all the strokes that he needs. Then comes the part he really does not like but knows it is necessary. His erection disappears as his mind concentrates on the next stroke and wonders why is is submitting in the first place. When I am satisfied with my work we will hug each other which often will lead to great sex. All this was once considered kinky but it seems that since the advent of the internet that is no longer the case. Regardless of all that it has helped keep us close to each other and created feelings of mutual bonding which are hard to put into words.
SusanR